Recently I've encountered several parenting literature (books, media, blogs) with a similar topic: how difficult is it to raise a boy versus a girl.
These articles and comments are written by mostly women who have at least a son and a daughter or who have known someone who has a son or two or four. Essentially, these authors do not just have sons.
There are book critiques that go as far as saying that there are no good parenting literature out there because all the parenting books out there are either authored by parents who have all daughters or son-daughter combo or written by someone who does not have a child. Not one book out there is written by a parent who has had all boys. Why not? Boys can't be taught. End of discussion.
These contributing parents, mostly mothers, complained mainly on how physically active: restless (好動), energetic (精力充沛), frisky (活蹦亂跳一刻不得閒 ) - boys are and how mentally draining (心身疲憊) and physically draining (筋疲力盡) it is for the parents (i.e., mothers) to deal with the boys problems.
They constantly compare the boys with the girls and go as far as saying how taking care of one boy is 10 times harder than taking care of 2 girls (帶1個男的比帶2個女的還累10倍). These women find it so difficult to "tame" a boy (男孩很難教, 難搞) because they are not able to control their sons' behaviors. Boys are automatically labeled as having ADHD (過動症), fauvist (野獸派), tormented (折磨人精), double trouble (雙重麻煩), etc.
Some parents with multiple sons even go to the extreme to say that their lives are ending (我命將休), that they are tormented to death (被整死), that their lives are turned upside down (被整得人仰馬翻), or that being a mother of boys is not a job for human (當男孩的媽真不是人幹的事情). Some lament the sheer work they have to put in in raising boys (一刻不得閒的哀號中). Some feel like they are in constant war with their boys (簡直戰爭狀態). These women believe that all the so-called "behavioral" issues come from this XY-chromosomal being, which is the number root cause for their mental and physical exhaustion.
And that is only talking about the physical part. The "attributed" gender personality differences between boys and girls are vast.
They don't focus on how compassionate, energetic, or fun a little boy could be. Instead they compare the boys with how a girl (i.e., daughter or themselves) "usually" behaves - subdued (文靜), quiet (安靜), obedient (乖巧), considerate (貼心), easy to take care (很容易帶).
Conversely, boys are viewed as rough (粗魯), naughty (調皮搗蛋), loud & boisterous (大聲聒噪), mischievous(胡鬧), and of course, very hard to teach (不受教).
With such extreme negative perception of what boys are like, we wonder why are boys are acting out as such? The boys have done nothing more but to fulfill your negative expectations.
This trend bothers me. It bothers me a lot. In fact, I am perplexed and outraged. And I'm a woman - a mother of three little boys.
There is this drastic "need" to make the boys to be more like the girls. The boys are being compared to how the girls should be characteristically. And the boys, strangely enough, are being measured on traditional feminine standards by their mommies dearest. These parents squander the true nature of boys.
Part of me wonders if all these talks stem from a "sour grape" phenomenon when actually having sons is culturally and historically preferred.
Historically, families with only girls, since the daughters will not carry on the family names, they are devalued. But even with modern times, that perspective is difficult to revert and change due to generational pressure. Could it be that people attribute those "bad qualities" to boys so that they can feel less pressured by society expectations? When some things are viewed as "negative," perhaps the desire for it - "having sons" - will lessen?
This phenomenon of "degrading the boys" typically came from families with sons. Could this be a way to show humility and modesty so not to boast having sons? Could this be a socially accepted way to degrade your own sons so that you won't be an envious target? Could this be a self-deprecation tactic to actually boast how fruitful you actually are in the cultural sense?
But at what cost though?
Do you want your boys to be completely obedient without ever question the authority?
Do you want your boys to be easily manipulated and swayed by the crowd?
Do you want them to not speak out when something is wrong?
Do you want them to sit behind a post and never take a chance?
Do you want them to be satisfied with current situations and never make any progress or change?
Do you want them to walk on the safe side and never challenge themselves to better themselves or to better the world?
Do you want them sit quietly and accept whatever is thrown at them?
Do you want them sit at home and tend to your every whim?
Do you put an eagle in a bird cage like a chicken?
Do you cage a lion behind fences like a sheep?
Do you raise a son for yourself only?
Or do you raise a citizen for the world?
Why is there so much exertion of "control"?
Why is there such a need to "tame"?
Why are we expecting a fish to fly?
The society is churning out more and more "weaklings" by doing just this - producing more generations of "strawberries" and mama's boys.
It's time to revert that all together.
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