The Misunderstood Regression

Just the other day, Baby (3.5 mos) rolled over by himself. 

His little robust body wiggled around, and with a tug of a leg and a jolt of a waist, he was about-face.  It was one of the major developmental milestones, and we were excited that he has reached it. 

"Good job!  You flipped over!" 

We congratulated Baby.

"Wow!  Did you see that he just flipped over?" 

We wanted others to see Baby's accomplishment, too.

"He just flipped over by himself the other day!" 

We shared Baby's accomplishments with our friends and family.

Big Brothers (8, 6.75) were equally thrilled.  They marveled at how Baby wasn't able to flip over months after birth but is now finally able to.  They hugged Baby and cheered him on as Baby did one flip after another.  In the next few days, they were shrewd to report any immediate sighting of flipping that was done by Baby.  They, too, told their friends and teachers that Baby has flipped over. 

Then they both started to do something rather curious.

One by one, these two Big Brothers would lie on the floor, facing upward, oftentimes on Baby's play mat, and flipped.  While flipping, they'd call to our attention.

"Mama, look!  I flipped over!" 

"I know how to flip, Daddy!"

"Look!  I'm flipping!  YEY!"

The first time this happened, we pretend-cheered because we thought they just wanted to recreate the scene and imitate what Baby did.  When it happened again, the thought that they just wanted the same kind of attention we gave to Baby crossed our minds.  We acknowledged their flipping with a simple nod.  We never scolded them for acting out this "immature" behavior.  We didn't ridicule them for behaving like a baby, either.  We just chalked it up to that classical "regression," where older siblings display behaviors that are developmentally younger than they are. 

Typically, regression is said to be brought on due to stress, frustration, or a traumatic event.  Some common causes are the arrival of a new sibling, divorce, dealing with a death, moving, or starting a new school or daycare.  In these situations, children often feel insecure, angry, or scared, and lack the communication skills to share these feelings with the adults in their lives.  As a result, children revert to behaviors that they know will attract the attention of these adults.  

But something does not add upright, I felt.  Maybe the observed regressed behavior isn't always what it appears to be.  Maybe the said regressed behavior could be somehow explained from a child's perspective instead?  Perhaps a different insight could shed light on this so-called regression?

When my younger sister was born, a new crib was installed in the bedroom.  I distinctly remembered that I had requested that I slept in the crib.  I had quite a few reasons: 1. My height fit inside the crib exactly, 2. Baby wasn't sleeping in the crib anyways because she was co-sleeping with my parents, 3. The crib could act like a little cage for me pretending to be a bunny, 4. The crib was higher than my actual bed from which I could jump, 5. I could play and store all my toys in the crib and not make a mess everywhere else.

All these reasons my parents never asked and I've never shared.  They simply ignored and chalked my wanting to sleep inside the crib up as regression like any other parents and experts out there.  So now moving forward to the present day, something inside me just clicked.  Maybe the older boys misunderstood what "flipping" was portraying.  Maybe we the parents misrepresented what "flipping" should be.  Maybe, or just maybe, regression isn't what it looks like from the "expert's" interpretation. 

After another stunt of flipping, I asked them.

"Do you know why we are so happy that Baby has flipped over?"

They didn't. 

Much to my amusement, they actually believed that the actual act of flipping is a worthy accomplishment.  They had thought that "flipping" itself has become a significant behavior that is praise-worthy.  They had not done it in order to gain attention from us.  They did not understand the significance behind the milestone that was reached by an infant.  More importantly, they had not done it to compete with Baby for our attention, out of stress or frustration.  They had done it simply because they thought that if they flipped, they will receive praises from us, as did Baby. 

"Because it was something that he wasn't able to do before and then he practiced a lot and now he is able to do it."  I offered this explanation to them and watched for their reactions.  Immediately, a light bulb went on in their eyes. 

"It's just like when we are so happy that you have mastered a new song on the violin or the piano.  You've done a good job because you practiced so hard at it, and now you've got it."  I presented an example.

"Is it like when we didn't know the multiplication tables before but now we can do one digit times two digits because we worked so hard at it?" One asked, making the connections.

"Or like playing chess?" The other added.

"Yes, exactly.  Or like when you passed the kungfu test and everyone was so excited for you at the belt ceremony."  I gave another example to cement the "practice-reaps-result" linkage.  "So in the same way, you see, we are happy that Baby has learned how to flip over because he was practicing every day."

"Oh!"  And with that, they stood right up and skipped on to do normal "big kids" things.

And they haven't flipped like a pancake and begged for syrup ever since.